I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
