a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
