She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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