he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
