man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
