hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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