Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
