Swine flu. Run for my life!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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