she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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