apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
