I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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