you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
