I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
