I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
