I'm lost and stupid without you.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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