I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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