We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
