are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
