Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm just crazy horny about you
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
