We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
