just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
