Someone shit on the floor
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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