I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
