Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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