Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
