Barsexuality is the new black.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
