Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
