During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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