And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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