Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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