The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
