Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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