we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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