I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
