We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
