just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
