omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
