When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I don't deserve a penis
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
