i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
