The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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