Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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