I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
