i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
