You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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