I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
