Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
