A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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