never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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