We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
