I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
